I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
