Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
