fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
