Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
