never play flip cup with pint glasses
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
