so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
