maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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