going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
