I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
