is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
