2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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