hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
