So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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