Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
