Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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