It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's great music for shaving your balls
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want nice things and good sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
