Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is Oprah even human
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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