After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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