If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
