I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
