Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
