Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize