You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
