So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
FUCK WHALES
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