Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
why is half of my head shaved?
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