There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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