I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
