I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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