All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We talked him into tasing himself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
