my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
