God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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