You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
