Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
