I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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