Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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