I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
