Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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