It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
