Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
