Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
