we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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