how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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