Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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