fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
