So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
