Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
