Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
