I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
