dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
