Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were trust falling into bushes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize