those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My bed smells like the plague
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
