Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize