did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
