I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
