Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize