We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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