my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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