If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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