dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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