well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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