He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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