he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize