OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have fence marks all over my body
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
