If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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